Marriage: Why Bother (Really)?

A Spirally, Sassily, Emotionally-Precise Exploration of Marriage’s Alleged Relevance, Brought to You by a Brain That Owns Glitter and Grudges

Or Better Yet, Why Do We Keep Pretending It’s a Universal Upgrade?

Let’s just lean straight into the chaos, shall we?
Why do people still get married? Why are we still peddling this glitter-glazed milestone like it’s the ultimate emotional diploma?

Because let’s be honest: the longer you sit with “why bother,” the more it starts sounding like an existential side-eye wrapped in cultural confusion. It’s not a crisis of meaning; it’s a crisis of narrative. And not the kind solved by tulle and personalised vow cards.

Why bother? Why cling to a ritual that historically involved cattle and silence, and now involves intense admin and one relative who insists on wearing white?

Let’s swirl through it. With cheek. With care, and a little sass.

Marriage didn’t start as the love story it now pretends to be. It began as:

• Property transfer
• Patriarchal alliance
• Reproductive control
• Social sorting with bonus tax breaks

Today, it’s dressed up in florals and TED Talks. But don’t be fooled: the marriage myth is still soaked in cultural messaging that says to be partnered is to be validated. And to be unpartnered is… “still finding yourself?” (insert sympathetic pat)

Why bother with marriage when:

• It’s no longer a requirement for survival
• Relationships can thrive without legal entanglement
• Intimacy doesn’t need a witness and a registrar

Short answer? We’re trained to.

Longer answer? Grab a cocktail.

(With Varying Levels of Consent)

“Marriage = emotional safety.”
Except when it doesn’t. Plenty of married people feel lonelier than their houseplants.

“Marriage = growing old together.”
Also false. Sometimes it’s growing resentful next to each other while binge-watching television you hate.

“Marriage = being chosen.”
Sweet on paper. But let’s not confuse being picked with being loved well. You can be chosen out of fear, or boredom, or pressure. And sometimes being unchosen is the best intimacy of all.

Marriage promises a lot. And sometimes delivers. But it’s not inherently the prize. And treating it as such leads to emotional debt and, frankly, bad décor decisions.

From the “Why Bother” Narrative Being Left Unquestioned?

Follow the glitter trail and you’ll find:

• Hallmark.
• The diamond industry.
• The property ladder.
• Aunt Sheila.
• Internalised patriarchal panic dressed as romantic longing.

Marriage still sits at the top of many social pyramids. It gets you respect, convenience, and fewer eyebrow raises at brunch. It’s a shortcut to legitimacy. Which is alarming, because shortcutting is exactly what good intimacy shouldn’t be.

And yet, “why bother” still gets side-eyed. Still feels subversive. Still gets met with emotional maths like,

“But don’t you want stability and shared utility bills?”

That Doesn’t Come with Legal Paperwork and a Cake Budget?

Let’s spiral into the alternative options, shall we?

• Emotional kinship that’s unspoken but fierce
• Chosen family systems that stretch like stars
• Fluid partnerships that evolve with the season, not shame
• Aromantic integrity. Platonic richness. Solo joy that’s loud.

There are so many ways to love. Ways to build lives besides, around, and without another person. And most of them don’t require a binding contract or strategically sequined bodice.

You’re allowed to not “bother.” You’re allowed to want meaning that doesn’t come with matching surnames and joint liability insurance.

Let’s not pretend this wasn’t part of the motivation. Somewhere beneath the vows and vintage bunting lies the deepest, truest reason some of us even glance at marriage: layers of sponge with feelings baked in.

Because sometimes, just sometimes-

• You don’t want a lifetime commitment. You want lemon drizzle with ambition.
• You’re not chasing a romantic legacy. You’re chasing that ganache that whispers, “This will not be dry.”
• You’re not moved by symbolism. You’re moved by that one slice with raspberry compote and the edible gold leaf that screams: I deserve this.

But here’s the sticky truth:
The cake has become both metaphor and mirage. It stands as delicious proof that this ritual will nourish. But nourishment doesn’t always come covered in fondant. Sometimes it’s just knowing you deserve sweetness without ceremony.

So, if you’re “bothering,” and you’re unsure why, maybe it’s not marriage you want.
Maybe it’s just dessert.
And that’s allowed.
Start with cake. End with clarity.

Prompts to Gently Annoy Your Inner Conventional Thinker

Because cheek can be productive, too. Try asking:

• What do I want from connection; and how much of that is social conditioning?
• Would marriage actually serve my emotional blueprint, or just quiet the noise?
• If I weren’t worried about legitimacy, what kind of partnership would I build?
• Am I trying to be loved, or trying to be seen as lovable?

These questions are spicy. Answering them will probably mess with your worldview a bit. That’s okay. Spiral living is not for the faint of heart. Or the rigid of thought.

Could There Still Be Reasons to Bother? Yes, But They Need Vetting

There are reasons to marry. Real ones. Juicy ones.

• To mark devotion with a public ritual
• To access rights denied otherwise
• To co-build a life with intention and glitter
• To fulfil a spiritual or cultural pull that resonates

But only if these feel true.
Not inherited. Not panic-driven. Not prompted by your cousin’s engagement or your fear that nobody will change your catheter when you’re 84.

Marriage, at its best, can be a gorgeous co-designed emotional house. Just make sure you’re not decorating someone else’s.

“Why bother?” is a golden question. It forces us to dig through tradition, tension, and tender hopes.

Marriage can be beautiful.
But so can emotional independence.
So can complicated, boundary-rich, label-light connection.
So can saying:

“I bothered with my own flourishing first.”

Choose marriage if it expands you.
Reject it if it compresses you.
Reimagine it if it’s whispering, not roaring.

And remember: a legally bound love is not a higher form; it’s just a different shape.

If those words stirred something, a flicker of curiosity, a quiet yes, even a complicated maybe, you’re warmly invited to reach out.

Whether you’re untangling meanings or remaking them from scratch, we’d love to hear where you are in your orbit. Whisper, roar, or send a signal in between, we’ll meet you there.

Drop us a note, share a thread of thought, or simply say hello. This space was shaped for you too.

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