CVs: The Strange Ritual of Professional Self-Mythologising

Let’s start with a truth that rarely makes it into careers advice: writing a CV is a bit like trying to flirt with a hiring manager using only bullet points and your trauma. You’re expected to sound impressive but not intimidating, confident but not cocky, strategic but not slippery. And if you’re neurodivergent, non-linear, or just allergic to corporate jargon? Welcome to the existential rodeo.

It’s not just a document. It’s a declaration. A performance. A quiet scream of “Please see me as I am, but also as I could be, if you just gave me a desk and a login.”

And yet, we keep doing it. Because somewhere in the chaos of formatting and font choices, we’re trying to be chosen. To be seen. To be understood.

CVs are soaked in cultural messaging. They whisper: “This is who I am, and this is why I matter.” But they also shout: “I know how to play the game.”

In the UK, the ideal candidate is often imagined as:

• Linear (no gaps, no pivots)
• Quantifiable (metrics, KPIs, ROI)
• Confident (but not too confident)
• Experienced (but not too old)
• Educated (but not too academic)

This creates a narrow template for success. And if your story doesn’t fit? You’re left trying to contort your lived experience into a format that wasn’t designed for you.

Cue the tension.

Let’s name some of the emotional undercurrents that swirl beneath the surface:

• Imposter Syndrome: “Am I actually qualified, or just good at sounding like I am?”
• Fear of Being Overlooked: “If I don’t embellish, will they even notice me?”
• Desire for Belonging: “Can I write this in a way that makes me seem like ‘one of them’?”
• Values Conflict: “Do I highlight the work that paid well, or the work that mattered?”

These aren’t just logistical dilemmas. They’re existential ones. Because your CV isn’t just a document; it’s a reckoning. A mirror. A spiral.

And sometimes, it reflects back a version of yourself that feels… off.

Ah yes, the age-old question: Can I embellish my CV just a little?

Short answer: Yes, but only if you can sleep at night and survive a reference check.

Longer answer: Embellishment is a spectrum. On one end, you’ve got “truthful amplification,” framing your real contributions in powerful language. On the other hand, you’ve got “I invented a whole job at a company that doesn’t exist.” Please don’t do that. The internet remembers.

Here’s the cheeky rule of thumb: If you could talk about it in an interview without breaking into a sweat or needing a solicitor, you’re probably fine.

So yes, you can say “Project Coordinator (unofficially)” if you were the assistant who ran the show. You can say “Working knowledge of Python” if you’ve been noodling around with it and can hold your own in a conversation. But don’t claim fluency in Mandarin if your only exposure was watching Mulan twice.

Let’s name the emotional undercurrent: fear.

Fear of being overlooked. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being stuck in a cycle of rejection and existential dread.

But here’s the reframe: your CV isn’t a mask. It’s a mirror. And when it reflects your real strengths, values, and growth edges? That’s when the magic happens.

Because the right job isn’t just about what you’ve done. It’s about how you think, how you care, and how you show up.

What if your CV wasn’t just a list of jobs?

What if it was a love letter to your future collaborators?

A pattern of care. A map of how you move through the world. A quiet manifesto of what you believe work can be.

So go ahead. Spiral. Declare. Reframe. Slip in a cheeky line that makes the reader smile. Say something that sounds unmistakably you. Because if your CV makes someone pause and feel something? That’s not a formatting error. That’s a quiet revolution.

Let’s talk tactics, but in a way that feels like a warm cuppa, not a checklist.

Start with a messy brain dump. What have you done? What did it mean? What did it teach you? Spiral outward, then refine inward. Don’t worry about chronology yet. Just gather the threads.

Then, choose three values that matter to you. Use them as a filter. If a job or achievement doesn’t align with those values, maybe it doesn’t need to be on your CV. Or maybe it needs to be reframed.

Ask yourself: where did I show care? For people, systems, ideas? Let that guide your examples.

And finally, slip in one line that’s unmistakably you. Something that makes the reader smile and think, “I want to work with this person.” Maybe it’s a cheeky aside. Maybe it’s a metaphor. Maybe it’s a quiet truth.

Here’s where things get dicey:

• Claiming Degrees You Don’t Have: This isn’t just unethical; it’s illegal in the UK under the Fraud Act 2006.
• Inventing Roles or Companies: The internet remembers. So do hiring managers.
• Overstating Technical Skills: If the job hinges on it, and you can’t deliver, it’s a fast track to imposter syndrome and a short tenure.

Prompt: “Would this claim survive a reference check?” If not, rethink it.

• What to Do Instead

Instead of embellishing, try these cheeky alternatives:

• Learn the Skill: If you keep seeing “Excel wizard” on job descriptions, maybe it’s time to become one. Or at least learn enough to fake it with integrity.
• Volunteer Strategically: Don’t have experience in a field? Volunteer. It’s the fastest way to build credibility without lying.
• Build a Portfolio: Show, don’t tell. Create a blog, a case study, or a project summary. Let your work speak louder than your adjectives.
• Use Growth Language: “Currently developing proficiency in…” is honest, strategic, and shows momentum.
• Here’s a radical idea: what if CVs weren’t just about individual success?

What if they were tools for co-flourishing?

Imagine a world where:

• Employers read CVs with curiosity, not judgement.
• Candidates wrote CVs with care, not fear.
• The hiring process became a mutual exploration, not a performance.

This isn’t utopian. It’s possible. But it starts with how we write. And how we choose to be seen.

Your CV doesn’t need to be perfect. It needs to be true. And if it’s a little messy, a little cheeky, and a lot full of heart? Even better.

Because the goal isn’t to impress; it’s to connect. And that means amplifying truth, not inventing it. Your story deserves to be told, just not fictionalised.

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