How to Spot a Maths Problem in the “Wild”

A biscuit-based guide to numeracy, nonsense, and the quiet genius of everyday calculation

Maths gets a bad rap. It’s the subject people love to hate, the villain of the school timetable, the thing grown adults will proudly declare defeat over while simultaneously calculating the exact number of biscuits they can eat before someone notices. And that, right there, is the twist.

Because the same person who says “I’m rubbish at maths” will:

• Estimate how many digestives are left in the tin based on weight, sound, and biscuit telepathy.
• Split a restaurant bill to the penny, including tip, cashback, and emotional labour.
• Calculate the discount on a multipack of bourbons faster than a spreadsheet.
• Mentally convert oven temperatures from fan-assisted chaos to Celsius like a Bake Off finalist.

Clearly, the problem isn’t the numbers. It’s the branding.

We do maths constantly. Cooking is ratios. DIY is geometry. Sports stats are probability. Budgeting is algebra with receipts. But because it’s wrapped in context, biscuits, bills, birthdays, we don’t call it maths. We call it “life admin”, “being clever”, or “just figuring it out.”

The difference? In real life, maths feels useful. In classrooms, it often feels abstract, disconnected, and wrapped in exam pressure like a sad clingfilm sandwich.

Want to know if someone’s secretly good at maths? Offer them a packet of biscuits and say, “We’ve got five people and twelve biscuits. How many each?” Watch their eyes light up. That’s division. That’s fractions. That’s emotional calculus.

Now say, “But two people don’t like custard creams.”
That’s conditional logic.
Say, “One person wants three.”
That’s negotiation.
Say, “We need to save two for later.”
That’s budgeting.
Say, “Actually, I ate one already.”
That’s chaos theory.

We’ve framed maths as a gatekeeper, something you pass or fail, something that judges your intelligence. But in reality, it’s a toolkit. It helps you build things, solve things, and understand things. It’s not here to punish you. It’s here to help you figure out how many biscuits you can eat before your flatmate gets home.

If you’ve ever:

• Counted steps to the kettle
• Estimate how many minutes until your tea is “perfect”
• Budgeted for snacks and rent in the same breath
• Compared biscuit prices across three shops and a loyalty app

You’re doing maths. Beautiful, biscuit-powered maths.

So next time someone says, “I’m rubbish at maths,” offer them a custard cream and say, “You just did three calculations in your head. You’re not bad at maths. You’re just better at it when biscuits are involved.”

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