The Economy Is Not on Fire, Just Simmering Alarmingly

A Field Guide to Inflation Exes, Tariff Tantrums, and the Slow-Boil Budgetary Opera of 2025

Not a Big BOOM, Just a Pot on High

It’s not fireworks.
It’s not a meteor.
It’s the pot you forgot on the stove while everyone insists,
“No, no, it’s just warming up.”

Spoiler: the stove is on high.
And the lid is rattling.

The economy is technically moving.
But it’s less a confident stride and more that awkward shuffle you do when you pretend you meant to walk into that wall.

• Growth? A polite murmur.
• Inflation? Back like an ex who “just came to grab their hoodie” but somehow stays for dinner.
• Middle-income households? Wondering if they’ll need a loan for groceries and a therapist for their budget spreadsheet.

Introduced in August 2025 with all the charm of a budgetary jump scare, the new Introduced in 2025 with all the charm of a budgetary jump scare, the latest tariffs have:

• Raised prices
• Lowered patience
• Turned everyday appliances into luxury items

National pride? Maybe.
National prices? Definitely.
Want a kettle or a toaster? That’ll be an eye-watering amount and a small existential crisis.

The market’s skittish
Your accountant’s sweating
Your savings account is quietly ghosting you

It’s not a crash.
It’s a slow wobble.
Like your Wi-Fi when you really need it.

The screws got tightened:

• Fewer visas
• More paperwork
• Labour shortages that feel like a subplot nobody asked for

Your plumber is stuck in paperwork purgatory.
Your nurse is waiting for a renewal.
Your favourite café is run entirely on vibes and over-caffeinated teenagers.

It’s not outright hostility.
It’s bureaucracy cosplaying as border control with a side of economic self-sabotage.

Passed with the sweeping confidence only fiscal packages can muster:

• Tax relief extended
• Defence budgets reinforced
• Social supports, energy incentives, and public services quietly trimmed

It’s “big and beautiful” the way a cake is big and beautiful if someone replaced the frosting with mayonnaise.

Standing in the corner, smiling too hard:

“Everything’s fine!”
(Whispering) “We’re watching…”

Interest rates? Elevated.
Wage growth? Taking a nap.
Forecast? Cloudy, with a strong chance of stagnation.

It feels like a long-running series where:

• The writers keep changing
• The budget is tight
• The dialogue is confusing
• The audience isn’t sure if it’s drama, comedy, or experimental theatre

The system isn’t collapsing.
But it is definitely limping.
And everyone is still seated, snacks in hand, waiting to see whether the story finds its footing, or just keeps rolling the same uneasy episode.

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