“Purpose” – The Side Quest Theory

Why Purpose Isn’t One Big Mission: It’s a Collection of Ridiculous Little Adventures

Let’s start with a truth bomb: life isn’t a single grand storyline. You’re not the main character in a carefully scripted hero’s journey; you’re the bloke bumbling through an open-world game with no clear map, questionable armour, and too many side quests involving IKEA furniture.

And that’s fine. In fact, that’s how it’s supposed to be.

We’ve been tricked into thinking purpose must look like a massive life mission, a calling, a destiny, a “thing you were born to do.” But most of us don’t get a single “thing.” We get dozens of small, messy, often hilarious ones.

Welcome to The Side Quest Theory.

You know how video games have “main quests” (save the world, slay the dragon) and “side quests” (help a villager find his lost chicken)?

Life’s exactly like that. Except for most of our “chicken missions”, cooking a meal, helping a mate move, and learning to fix a tap are where the real meaning happens.

The “main quest” (career, legacy, Big Purpose) is overrated.
The side quests are where you actually feel alive.

As the brilliant Oliver Burkeman says in Four Thousand Weeks, you don’t have to make your life extraordinary; you just have to live it intentionally.

You don’t have to “win.” You just have to show up for your side quests.

At some point, we all started thinking purpose had to be productive. If it didn’t make money, move the needle, or look good on LinkedIn, it didn’t count.

But as The School of Life points out, meaning isn’t about grand gestures, it’s about “quiet competence and small kindnesses.”

So maybe your life’s purpose isn’t to build an empire. Maybe it’s to build a decent lasagne, text your mates back, and finally learn to bleed a radiator without swearing.

Small things add up. That’s how purpose sneaks in.

Research from the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley shows that small acts of engagement, learning, helping, and creating improve happiness far more than big achievements.

It’s called “micro-purpose.” Tiny, meaningful actions that signal to your brain: “I matter. I’m useful.”

You don’t need to move mountains; you just need to move something.

Let’s redefine what “purposeful” looks like.
Here’s a list of side quests that absolutely count as meaning-making:

• Teaching your kid to ride a bike
• Helping your mate through a breakup
• Learning a language on Duolingo (even if you only remember “where is the library?”)
• Growing a dodgy-looking basil plant
• Fixing something instead of binning it
• Volunteering at a local club or charity
• Building a playlist that makes people dance

None of these make you famous. But they make you human.

And as Action for Happiness reminds us, connection and contribution are the top two drivers of lasting wellbeing.

One reason we ignore side quests is that we want things to “mean something.” We don’t just run, we train for a marathon. We don’t just doodle, we launch an Etsy shop. We don’t just take photos, we start a brand.

Stop it.

You don’t have to monetise your hobbies. You don’t have to optimise your joy.

You can do things badly just because they make you smile.
(Seriously, check out The Anti-Hustle Movement, it’s a thing, and it’s wonderful.)

Here’s how to start collecting side quests like they’re rare Pokémon:

1. Say Yes More (Within Reason)
   Try things you’re not “good” at. Attend weird events. Go to that open mic night or trivia quiz. Side quests are born from curiosity, not confidence.
   • Find local stuff on Meetup or Eventbrite.
2. Keep a Quest Log
   Make a list of small, satisfying things you’ve done lately: helped someone, learned something, laughed hard. It’s your proof that your life is full of meaning, even if it doesn’t feel epic.
3. Follow Your Tiny Whims
   You know that “I wonder what would happen if…” thought? Follow it once in a while. That’s how side quests start, and sometimes, they grow into something bigger.
4. Help Without Expecting a Medal
   Acts of kindness are meaning multipliers. Even small ones like complimenting someone’s jumper or holding the door.
   • Random Acts of Kindness Foundation has fun ideas for spreading micro-joy.

Sometimes side quests look like detours or even mistakes.

That relationship that didn’t work out? A side quest in learning empathy.
That job you hated? A side quest in boundaries.
That weird hobby that went nowhere? A side quest in rediscovering curiosity.

Purpose often hides inside the things that didn’t “succeed.” They still shape who you are, and that’s the point.

As Psychology Today notes, our sense of purpose expands through experience, not through achieving, but through engaging.

If you ever feel lost, don’t look for “the big picture.” It’s too blurry.

Zoom in on the next side quest: one phone call, one errand, one walk, one conversation.

That’s how purpose sneaks back in, not with trumpets, but with small acts of attention.

“You find purpose the same way you find your keys by looking where you actually are, not where you wish you were.”

• Oliver Burkeman – Four Thousand Weeks – a brilliant book about time, meaning, and embracing limits.
• Greater Good Science Center – Small Acts, Big Difference
• Action for Happiness: 10 Keys to Happier Living
• Random Acts of Kindness Foundation
• The School of Life: Good Enough Living

Maybe you’ll never have one grand, unshakable life mission. So what?

Maybe your “purpose” is to collect small, messy, wonderful moments and stitch them together into something that feels like a life.

That counts. In fact, that’s everything.

So, stop waiting for your main quest to reveal itself.
Pick up the side quest that’s right in front of you and go see where it leads.

Because in the end, purpose isn’t found in the destination.
It’s built, one ridiculous little adventure at a time.

Explore more with us:

• Browse Spiralmore collections
• Read our Informal Blog for relaxed insights
• Discover Deconvolution and see what’s happening
• Visit Gwenin for a curated selection of frameworks